it's starting again

certain things,when it doesn't happen for a while, you tend to forget it. you forget the stress, the pain, the fear, the agony of it all. it's part of human, isnt it? we just dont learn and rememer our lessons. it just gets you when you least expect it... now, tonight, it's back again. i don't know why we have to be put through all these shit, and it just seems so inevitable. i feel so helpless cuz there's really nothing i can do about it. tears used to take care of these things, but as i grow up, tears are just a temporary get-away. there's more to do apart from crying, after crying. i need to think... think think and think hard enough of how to react to situations, as a grown-up. i need to protect mum as much as i can... and i start to dread the nights that sister stays out late. it makes me feel lonely. and tonight, i finally realise what im dreading about the nights when im the only sane person in the house. it's not only about me... it's much bigger than this. but i feel helpless... i'm choking up and i can't stop, even as i'm typing this. i don't know how long can i take this. i'd always hoped that this would all end, but it just wouldn't.