Like a candle in the wind

A few months back, this. A few days back, this again. Why is it happening again and again? First comes the sms that left me dumbfounded. Then it was the questioning of why.. why is it happening to someone who's been in my life before? Everything seems so surreal, like the feeling of asking yourself whether everything was true. Somehow you just keep asking, though the answer's really so obvious. But this time round, i didn't feel sad. i don't know if you consider what i felt as sadness.. i think it's more of numbness, the dull sense that comes with the cold truth laid in front of you. It's so inevitable, like you're not given the chance of saying,' No, i don't want it to be this way.' or just not knowing it.

Went for the wake which was at bukit timah. Funnily, we actually went to the wrong church. Doh! But luckily we didn't actually walk into the church and then realise we're at the wrong place. We realised when we were at bugis mrt. So in the end we decided to hop into clarissa's cab to get to the right church.

I couldn't recognise her, possibly because my memory's image of her is rather blur. But when i saw the photo, everything came back. And the four of us sat there, just talking about the past. It's just funny how it is always such events that bring long-lost friends or relatives together again. We laughed at the funny things we used to do in the past, how we used to laugh at her distinct way of wiping her forehead and then asking me if there's tissue on her face; how she'd always ask the girls sitting near the windows to 'open the windows' during her lessons; how she'd always lead us in prayers at the end of each supplementary class; and how she used to wipe her chalky fingers on the front girl's table and how that girl would be so disgusted. Those were the times... which can only be left as memories, nothing more. And Gillian reminded me that it was her who handed me as extra envelope after we'd received our PSLE results. That kinda slipped my mind, i didn't recall that till Gillian mentioned that. That was six years ago. Really, how time flies. I regret not going back to the school more often, at least, maybe i could have bumped into her and say hi. oh wells... that's just human right? We start regretting and treasuring things and people after we lose them, isn't it? And somehow we don't learn our lessons. Sometimes i think we're jsut too caught up with our own lives, our problems, our work... that we just forget those that in fact, matter the most.

The four of us actually agreed that we'd go back in july, or whenever the open house is held. I wonder if this promise would be kept, though i'd really try my best to see that it materialise. Maybe this would be the chance to start keeping in touch with my primary school friends again, after losing contact for such a long time. I believe it's fated, that it is such an event that brought us together again, though it should never have been as such. i'll take this as a sign then.

i've never forgotten you and i'll never forget you. and i'm sure the many students that you've taught and the mentorship that you've provided will stay in our hearts.