never for this reason

i've never felt so helpless before, when it comes to studies. never the high-flyer but you know, just hanging in there. it's just 4 weeks into term and here i am, trying desperately to figure out my stuffs. sometimes i do wonder if i've made the right decision by choosing this course. why did i do this, i really don't know at times. for prestige? for others or for myself? sometimes i feel so tired... tired of doing things because they're right, because it's good for me, because it's practical, because of others' expectations of me... just because i'm academically qualified. does that alone equate to myself being qualified, wholesomely?

now i really understand the importance of choosing a course which sits on interest. now i know, but am i doing things right? it's all too late to come to a realisation, isn't it? i've got 3 more years to go. it just seems so long, especially when i'm only 4 weeks into term. i've 9 more to go. someone help me.. or rather, please help myself.

let it just be for tonight. and i hope my eyes will be normal tmr.