24 days, 576 hours..to the A's. will i make it? im not too sure, really. results have been depressing enough and my days are numbered (pm's favourite phrase to us). i cant really appreciate his cynical ways, or perhaps his way of reverse psychology. i dont think it works on me because im depressed enough. but then again, im a contradictory person. i need someone to breathe down my neck sometimes and tell me that if i continue the way i am, im not going to make it; sometimes, i wish for some encouragement, someone to tell me that she believes in me and i will really become so much more motivated.

verified my results today, and im once again depressed. i've heard some others have done rather well, some improved. what about me? i've improved, but not to my expectation. i must say my expectations of myself this time round isnt high, i just hope to pass everything. but i didnt. if only i've worked a lil' harder, if only i'd been less playful, if only i'd been more motivated.. so many 'ifs'. how many more times can i afford to repeat this mistake? zero actually, A's just around the corner.

i dont like it when people think im hardworking, motivated and conscientious. im not, really. i think my looks are deceiving, so please dont paint such a good picture of me. i dont want you to be disappointed. and i really need some encouragement to motivate myself. dad and mom do not ask too much about my grades and im always left to self-motivate. well, perhaps they do not want to put too much pressure on me but i know they have certain expectations of me, so do my teachers. i've always been working based on these expectations- i work to fulfill these expectations more than to my own benefit. and i just feel so so so tired. is that all to life- to fulfill others' expectations of us?

time is running out and i've got so much to do, so much to fill my empty brain with...










我只想哭 只想哭 只想哭。。。