虽然我愿意

心碎人孤寂
虽然我愿意
心还想着你

so little words but they mean so much. fell in love with this song by Wu Jia Hui... maybe partly because of the TV8 drama <<变奏曲>>. haha i actually thought this song was sung by a girl ok! man... but the words in the end did say there's a female version. hmm... even if there is, they really sound the same. o.O simple song but it's really nice! shall go try it at kbox when i go there. hehe!

it's been exactly a month since i blogged! last post was 1 may and right now it's 1 june! oh my...and it's huh de sister's birthday today! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! haha old woman already...coming home at 2am and never bring key. gotta open the door for her AGAIN. hahaha! wait till i stay in hall... mum's gonna scream at you! =p i think work's really keeping me busy...and tired, and not feeling the need/want to blog.

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sometimes i wish i could be more sensitive, more acute to subtleties and... more careful with words? i can be really 'huh' sometimes in these things, but i'm learning just that at too slow a pace for my own good. i think i know why i'm bad at such stuff. perssonally, i'm quite a straightforward person if the situation calls for it. i mean, if i don't think i'd ever agree or accept your decision to do something, i'd make it really clear that it's a no-no. i'm not being mean or what, it's just that i don't want to give you a teeny bit of hope when in actual fact, that thing will never happen. it'll just be more beneficial for both parties; you don't have to continue hoping that something good will come out of your suggestion or proposal, neither would i have to continue to bear your constant bugging. i've been positioned at both ends before and i think i'm faring better at the giving end. i'd really tell you i'm not interested (and you should stop bugging me). it's quite terrible being at the other cuz i'm bad at deciphering the codes: are you just being nice by saying the 'maybes' and 'quite okay' or are these just formalities?

just went climbing yesterday. quite happy with my performance cuz i managed to climb a more difficult route yesterday. :) one with a little inclination which makes it real difficult to climb at one section (for me). really felt like giving up at that section...felt like dying and just letting go. that's the thing about climbing. sometimes you really feel like taking the easier path and just letting go. but when you perservere on, you realise that you can actually do it! you might need to rest a little while, refuel (chalk) and then go again. it works! and it feels damn good when you reach the top stone... all the pain and agony are just worth it. so it's really your choice: perservere and hit the top or give up and live with the regret of the 'should haves'. it applies to our lives too! (but one thing, i think i'll still take size 7 for now =P)

oh and i just found out one friend of mine is going to smu's accountancy! ha, well well. is this like retribution? ok, maybe not retribution...sounds too bad too serious and too negative. i've always wanted to know whether smu or ntu's better, which graduates are more popular with employers. before today, no one could give me a satisfying answer and i just left it as there is no one correct answer because i believe there are definitely good and bad ones from each university. now, it just dawned upon me that i'll finally get a concrete and convincing answer- in 3 years' time. her and me, as living proofs and testament to my hypothesis. i can't see any good coming out of it unless i really did fare better. i actually hope someone could actually pre-empt me about stuffs like this...ever since primary school. like how important english is because the application to university would be more smooth-sailing with better english grades. this time, i just wish someone could reassure me that my choice is a right one. though my senior told me quite a bit about ntu's accountancy programme and there was nothing much i should worry about, i don't know why i'm still apprehensive. does it mean my choice isn't really what i wanted? what do i want? i'm not even sure myself. but then again, shouldn't i be thankful to receives such offers, especially to such faculties? i'm human afterall, give one more, one will ask for even more. just like being rich doesn't guarantee you happiness, because problems and unhappiness do arise from being rich. one of my friend's nick in msn says 'don't go looking for more, wind up with less.' it's true, isn't it? is this 知足常乐, or is it just settling for less without even fighting or thought?

tomorrow's the last day for acceptance. i doubt i'll be making any changes to my choice. i think i'll just make the best out of it... just like what i wrote in mom's birthday card, 'i'll live with it'. and i will live well.

don't really feel like going back to school. but i can't be doing brainless administrative stuff all my life right? i really like the working environment now, can't be sure i'll be able to find somewhere like this in future...probabaly things would be different when you're a perm staff. life's gonna be different, tougher. entering university's gonna be a whole new experience...something i'd be quite apprehensive about. not knowing what to expect... not many close friends around, that's not very nice eh?

alright, time to snooze. what time will i wake up tmr? i'm craving for cartel's chicken salad. :)




__ 转成个圈
但 不是那么的圆

- 再见 林宇中