hi...i'm from NTU.

Doesn’t sound as good as saying, “hi, I’m from SMU.” Somehow... I get this feeling. It’s just the prestige thing, isn’t it? Did I want to get into SMU, just because it’s more prestigious, as it sounds? I do admit that it is also the exposure that it provides especially the multiple internships I can get out of it, as well as the nice profs and staffs there. But there’s still that feeling, the feel that SMU is better than NTU. I think it’s something subconscious but at the same time, it feels real. Quite surprisingly, I was actually having some kind of ‘withdrawal symptom’ last night, the few hours before the closing of the acceptance period.

The ‘good’ of SMU just kept flooding my brain, but luckily the ‘bad’ of NTU didn’t surface. Actually I can’t think of anything bad about NTU except that it is darn far and the graduates may not be that eloquent. Not that I’m very affected by that. I think I’m just being anal…I kept thinking ‘okay, I’m actually giving up a place in SMU. SMU... It’s SMU!’ And there’s what my mum said, “If people hear of you rejecting SMU because of NTU, when you’re actually given a place, they’ll just think you’re stupid.” Sometimes I wonder if I’d made that decision to spite her, but seriously and confidently, I know I’m not so foolish to ruin my future by making such an immature decision out of spite. Despite that, I can’t help but feel slightly inferior and a teeny bit of confidence drain when I think of the competition with the other graduates. But then again, I seriously doubt my ability to adapt to SMU’s ‘rah-rah’ and very-english culture. I know it’s beneficial to be very proficient in English but I think I will not be as happy as I’d be in NTU. At that point in time, I really felt someone should just slap me and ask me to wake up my bloody idea. I don’t even know why I’m worrying, or if I’m worrying for the right reason. As I’ve mentioned in my previous posts, I know I should be contented given the choices I have, but I’m not. Definitely not. I think this is one of the few rare times that I find that I can’t control myself…can’t stop myself from being so ‘disgustingly’ insatiable. It’s like, isn’t NTU good enough? Why am I asking for more? As it seems, that SMU was the ‘more’ I was craving for.

And I drifted off to sleep sometime around here…the thought then was a positive one, I think. Cuz I woke up thinking that I’ll make myself excel anywhere, as long as I maintain focus and work real hard. As I’ve always believed, what’s most important is not the abundance of opportunities, it’s whether you grab them and make the most of it. I think I’m one who needs the company of close friends, for play or for study. Therefore I should just stand by my decision, which was actually my initial want. Maybe first impressions are meant to be right…I do hope so.

Anyway, it’s June the third today…